In The Kingdom of Idiots
by NAB
Summary: What If the Fifth Doctor had obtained Lee Stetson, Amanda King, Remington Steele and Laura Holt as companions. (Indirect sequel to Third Doctor story 'Inferno')


WHAT IF!

  
  


Disclaimer

  
  


These stories are my thoughts of what might happen if a certain Time Lord had companions other than their established ones. For example what would happen if:

The First Doctor had Xena and Gabrielle as companions as well as Ian Chesterton, Barbara Wright and Susan

The Second Doctor had Karen Mackenzie (Michelle Lee) and Val Ewing (Joan Van Ark) (from Knots Landing) as well as Jamie and Zoe

The Third Doctor had Claire McCarron (Margaret Colin, Independence Day) and Willie Pipal (Frances McDormand, Fargo, then known as Fran) (from a short lived detective show called Legwork) as well as Sarah Jane Smith.

The Fourth Doctor had Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, John Doggett, Monica Reyes and Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster) (Silence of the Lambs/Hannibal) as well as Romana (Lalla Ward) (and K9)

The Fifth Doctor had Lee Stetson (Bruce Boxleitner), Amanda King (Kate Jackson), Remington Steele (Pierce Brosnan) and Laura Holt (Stephanie Zimbalist) as well as Nyssa and Tegan Jovanka. 

The Sixth Doctor had Peter Boyd (Trevor Eve), Grace Foley (Sue Johnston), Frankie Wharton (Holly Aird), Mel Silver (Claire Goose) and Spencer Jordan (Wil Johnson) (Waking The Dead) as well as Melanie Bush

The Seventh Doctor had Jarod, Miss Parker, Athena (Paris Jefferson) and Aphrodite (Alexandra Tydings) (Xena's version, with a touch from yours truly) as well as Ace and Professor Bernice Summerfield.

The Eighth Doctor had Buffy Summers, Willow Rosenberg, Prue, Piper and Phoebe Halliwell and Paige Matthews (I have a fixation about Prue still being alive!)

Well think no more, the next series of stories will provide at least my answer to what might have happened. The characters(and some of the stories) do not belong to me, they belong to other people. I am borrowing them for my, and, hopefully others, entertainment and I will not be making any profit from their usage. I apologise if I offend anyone in anyway. 

  
  


Footnote

  
  


This may seem a strange set of stories. However there is a sort of a link which involves the Doctor enduring a third, and possible more devastating, trial (The War Games, Trial Of A Time Lord being the first two). At stake - his very life. However, that's for later. There is also some Slash involved (Female/Female - I can't stomach Male/Male)

but it wont be graphic, just a bit slushy. Sorry!! For the sake a certain critic, who is right by the way, I will explain the back ground of certain shows. 

1. Knots Landing was an American Soap which lasted for about fourteen years. It was a spin off of Dallas. Gary Ewing (Val's off and on Husband) was a member of the Ewing clan, JR, Bobby, who were oil tycoons. Mack Mackenzie (Karen's husband) was a crusading lawyer who entered the series after the third season. She was known as Karen Fairgate. Val and Karen are very close friends (which is why I chose them for this). However there is a slight role reversal here, Val tended to be the more 'romantic' (she was a best selling author) whereas, Karen was more practical. I will balance things out as time goes on.

2. Legwork was a very short lived American Television show of the 1980's which involved Claire McCarron, a Private Investigator who was always looking for the 'big job'. She drove a Porsche that she couldn't afford and got involved in the more serious natured cases (AIDS popped up in an episode). Willie Pipal, that was her name, was a DA who helped Claire now and then. Claire also had a brother called Fred.

3. Waking The Dead is probably my biggest gamble. It's a British Television Show which deals with the investigation of 'Cold Cases', cases that have gone unsolved after a certain amount of time. The main characters are a Superintendent, Peter Boyd, a Sergeant, Spencer Jordan who is coloured, but that is not relevant, an energetic Female Detective Constable (recently promoted to Sergeant) called Amelia Silver (Mel for short), A Pathologist, Frankie Wharton, who tends the mainstay of the investigation team. Without her Boyd would not have solved half his cases and a Psycho-Analyst for want of a better term called Grace Foley. Most of the stories I'm planning is going to be dealing with the investigation of murders.

  
  


I hoped that helped 

  
  


DOCTOR WHO/SCARECROW AND MRS KING/REMINGTON STEELE

  
  


Featuring The Fifth Doctor, Lee Stetson, Amanda King, Remington Steele, Laura Holt, Tegan Jovanka, Nyssa

  
  


Mention is made of "Winter For the Adept" by Andrew Cartmel. (Copyright held elsewhere). Amanda King and Laura Holt are cousins in this. Their Mothers were played by the same actress (Beverley Garland), so I'm suggesting that the Mothers were twin sisters. This has been suggested elsewhere. This story is a sequel of sorts to the Third Doctor's story 'Inferno' by Don Houghton. A very famous actress from the 1980's is also mentioned in this, in a heroic light may I add, any insult or injury to this person is deeply regretted.

  
  


1:01 - In The Kingdom Of Idiots

  
  


The Tardis

It had been three months since The Doctor and Nyssa had been reunited with Tegan. Three months of mayhem and chaos that seemed to follow them like a magnet. It turned out to be a set of orchestrated circumstances set up by the Celestial Intervention Agency trying to track down a time leak. Nevertheless, the Doctor hated to be used like that. More importantly he hated having both Nyssa and Tegan fall into trap after trap, with each trap an increase in risk. It wasn't fair on them and it certainly wasn't fair on the Doctor himself. He needed to rest and so did Nyssa and Tegan.

"Tell you what," He told them "How about a trip to the Eye of Orion?"

"You sure Doctor," Tegan said "The last you said that we had to stop Donald Bradman being killed by an exploding cricket ball."

"How was I to know that time was being tinkered with?" The Doctor protested "How was I to know that a cricket ball had been replaced with a Second World War hand grenade?"

"The one thing that we do agree with is that we need a break," Nyssa said "Anywhere will do."

"Preferably somewhere warm," Tegan said.

"Like the Eye of Orion," The Doctor said.

"Who's saying no?" Tegan said "Come on, Nyssa, whilst the Doctor is trying to get us to this Eye of Orion, I have something to show you."

Nyssa looked at the Doctor, who shrugged, then followed Tegan out of the Console Room. He shook his head and got on with manipulating the controls. As he did so, he crossed his fingers.

"No more foul ups this time, old girl," He muttered.

  
  


A Hotel, Corfu

Laura Holt emerged from the bedroom and twirled in front of her cousin, Amanda King. Amanda wolf-whistled at the sparkling dress that Laura had chosen from outfits that the British Embassy liaison Christine Lewis had picked out from the best shop in Athens, or so she claimed.

"You'll knock Hansen out," Amanda said.

"Isn't that the idea," Laura quipped "Mr Steele and I charm, you and Lee break and 

enter."

Amanda chuckled at the thought. Now there were four of them in the Q Bureau, life was little easier. Lee was able to delegate a bit more. However, Hansen was ruthless. Putting her cousin in the line of fire like this didn't please her. Laura took her cousin's hand.

"I can handle it, Amanda," She said "Go on, get changed, I want to see what Miss Lewis has picked out for you."

Amanda got up and headed for the bedroom. Laura could feel the tension in the air every time that woman's name was mentioned. Amanda didn't trust her and Laura had a similar feeling. However, she had both Lee Stetson and Remington Steele wrapped around her little finger like a Praying Mantis. Laura looked at herself in the mirror. She certainly looked sexy in this dress, but, was it her? 

  
  


The Tardis, Nyssa's Room

Nyssa paraded in front of a mirror in a white bikini. Tegan, in a gold bikini, stood behind her.

"Well?"

Nyssa shook her head.

"I don't know ," Nyssa said "This doesn't feel like me."

"Of course it's you," Tegan said "You'll have guys falling at your feet in that."

"I don't think I'd like that," Nyssa said.

Tegan laughed.

"You haven't changed much," She said.

"I've changed more than you think," Nyssa said, slightly miffed "I've been through a lot while you were away."

The two women sat on Nyssa's bed.

"Come on tell me," Tegan said.

Nyssa smiled.

"The Doctor and I found ourselves stuck in a Finishing School in Switzerland on one occasion."

"Really," Tegan said.

Nyssa went on to talk about her adventure with a ghost, two finishing school students, two teachers, an Army Lieutenant and a malevolent being in the Swiss Alps in 1963.

  
  


The Hotel Lobby

Lee Stetson looked at his watch for the third time in five minutes. Beside him, Remington Steele looked composed.

"Women like to be fashionably late," He said.

"And you would know that," Stetson said looking at Steele.

"Of course," Steele smiled.

Lee Stetson shook his head. Billy Melrose had persuaded Lee to take Remington Steele and Laura Holt on as part of his team after the recapture of Glen Tucker. He wasn't happy about it. Amanda wanted her favourite cousin working with her and Lee couldn't resist Amanda. He was also impressed with Laura's handling of the Tucker affair and to a certain extent Remington Steele. Therefore, despite his misgivings about Remington Steele, he accepted Billy's 'invitation' to take Steele and Laura into the Q Bureau. There was something about Mr Steele that Lee Stetson didn't like, something mysterious and elusive. 

"Lee!"

Stetson looked up and saw two shimmering delights leaving the lift and walking towards them. Laura in white, Amanda in black. Steele wolf-whistled as they joined them.

"You both look stunning," He said.

Stetson nodded his agreement.

  
  


"Your carriage awaits," Steele said.

He took Laura's arm, whilst Stetson took Amanda's arm. A man looked from behind his paper. He brought his lapel up to his lips.

"Taurus to Aquarius," He said "Subjects are on their way. Is everything ready?"

The answer he heard in his ear made him smile. The blonde haired man folded his paper and followed Amanda, Laura, Remington and Lee out.

  
  


The Tardis - Console Room

The Doctor opened the viewing screen and smiled with satisfaction. He saw Nyssa and Tegan enter wearing the same white and gold bikinis with sun hats and sun glasses and nodded with contentment

"Plenty of sun cream," The Doctor said "Especially you Nyssa."

"Where are we?"

"The Greek Islands, around about July/August 1986," The Doctor said "If Xena and Gabrielle had been around, they'd be able to show us around. However, as we haven't..."

"You had the Warrior Princess on board?" Tegan asked.

"Her ancestor," The Doctor said "I see you've read some of the scrolls Gabrielle left behind. "

"We both did," Nyssa said "They were fascinating reading."

"Maybe we can meet the real McCoy one day," The Doctor said.

"If we're allowed to," Tegan said.

He opened the door, slightly miffed.

"Shall we go?"

"Doctor!" Nyssa interrupted.

"Yes, Nyssa."

"The console suggests that there's a volcano nearby."

"Volcano?" Tegan said "I didn't know there was a volcano in the Greek Islands."

"It's completely dormant," The Doctor said.

"You sure."

"Perfectly," The Doctor said "Are you coming or not?"

Tegan and Nyssa looked at each other. Tegan sighed and followed. Nyssa looked at the beautiful scenery and saw that it was too enticing to be ignored. It reminded her a little of the Groves on her now dead planet Traken. She took a deep breath, blinked back a small tear, and followed Tegan and the Doctor out.

  
  
  
  


The Adriatic - A Launch

The launch belonging to Cyrus Hansen glided through the calm Adriatic waters. On board were special guests of the Millionaire Business Magnate, whose activities had attracted the attention of both Americans and the British to the point whee an investigation team had been sent to find out exactly what Hansen was up to. That was why Lee Stetson, Amanda King, Remington Steele and Laura Holt were dressed to the nines and mingling with Hansen's superstar guests. They, through Christine Lewis, had managed to wrangle an invitation to Hansen's island party. They were posing as Mr and Mrs Lee and Amanda Carter and Mr and Mrs John and Laura Clayborne, business entrepreneurs looking for a business to invest their millions in.

"Have you seen who's here?" Remington said.

He watched Kathleen Turner walk past with a drink in her hand. Laura watched the superstar actress walk by and saw that Steele was watching her backside. She gave him a clip on the arm.

"Mind on the job, Mr Steele," Laura said.

Steele cursed and took a drink from a tray. They could see Lee and Amanda in conversation with an arab sheikh and decided that they should mingle themselves. However, as they started to move. They were stopped by the same blonde haired man who was in the hotel lobby.

"And you are?"

Steele could see that the man was eyeing Laura. He slightly stepped in front of her and held out his hand.

"John Clayborne, this is my wife, Laura," He said.

"Claybourne?" The Man smiled and nodded "Ah, Mr and Mrs Clayborne. Mr Hansen suggested that I should take special care of you."

Laura looked anxiously at Steele. Steele just smiled.

"Tell Mr Hansen that the gesture is appreciated, Mr..."

"Bowes," The Man said "If you'd like to come this way."

"Certainly," Steele said "Darling."

Steele started to follow the man. Laura grabbed Steele's arm.

"Sweetheart!" Laura said with a smile.

Steele stopped and rejoined Laura.

"I don't like the feel of this at all," She said "It feels like a trap."

"Don't worry, sweetheart," He said kissing Laura on the cheek "We'll be fine."

Steele nodded to the man and took Laura's hand. They followed the man through the crowd nodding to Lee and Amanda as they went past.

"Where are they going?" Lee asked.

"It's okay, Lee," Amanda said "They can handle it."

Lee could see Laura and Steele approach the back cabin. Something was wrong, he could feel it.

"Lee!"

"You're right, Amanda, Laura and Steele can handle it."

"That's not what I mean."

Lee turned around and saw that a man had stuck a gun into Amanda's ribs. He was about to react when he felt something in his back.

"I really wouldn't, Mr Stetson," A man said "You, Mrs King, Mr Steele and Miss Holt could get hurt." 

Lee could hear a whimper from Amanda and nodded.

"It might be a good idea if the two of you follow your companions."

Lee and Amanda started walking towards the back cabin.

  
  


The Island

Tegan could see the volcano for the first time. It looked imposing but beautiful as well. She could see Nyssa in the lake, floating on her back. She could see The Doctor nearby with a fishing rod in his hand, looking relaxed for the first time in ages. She even felt calm. She could see the Doctor rest the rod in a specially erected cradle and get to his feet. He approached her and sat next to her.

"Enjoying yourself?"

"This is great," Tegan said.

"See," The Doctor half chided "A fuss over nothing."

Tegan laughed. They looked up and saw Nyssa emerge from the water like Urusla Andress emerging from the water in 'Dr No'. Tegan began to sing the song Sean Connery sang to her as she was leaving the water. Nyssa looked at Tegan in surprise, then laughed.

"That should be my song," The Doctor joked.

Tegan playfully swatted the Doctor's arm. She handed Nyssa her towel and watched her dry herself down.

"How long are we staying here?" Nyssa said "It's so idyllic. The place is so peaceful, the water is so warm."

"As long as you like," The Doctor said.

His eyes then narrowed.

"Did you say warm?"

"Yes," Nyssa said "Comfortably warm."

"Is there something wrong?" Tegan asked, observing the concerned look on the Doctor's face.

The Doctor went to the lake and put his hand in the water. It was indeed warm. There was also something else - a slight tremor.

"Doctor?" Nyssa said with concern "What's wrong?"

"I don't know," The Doctor said "There's something not quite right here. Why is that Lake warm?"

"It is hot, water does tend to heat up in hot weather," Tegan said.

The Doctor looked up at the Australian and nodded. 

"I've been with Fox Mulder and Clarice Starling too long," The Doctor joked "Their paranoia is catching up with me."

"Who?"

"Sorry," The Doctor said "Companions before you."

There was another tremor, a little larger.

"Doctor?" Tegan said "Is that volcano about to go?"

"No," The Doctor said "It's completely inert and has been for centuries."

"Then what is causing that tremor?" Nyssa asked.

The Doctor looked thoughtful.

"Is this the Celestial Intervention Agency again?" Tegan asked.

The Doctor shook his head.

"How do you know?" Nyssa asked.

"Because if you remember, they've always made their appearance before now," The Doctor said "And we still have access to the Tardis."

It shook again. A little harder and this time it forced both Nyssa and Tegan off their feet. The Doctor only just managed to hang onto his balance.

"That felt mechanical," Nyssa said.

"It did, didn't it," The Doctor said.

He frowned.

"No!" He said "The idiots!"

"What is it?" Tegan said.

"If we don't stop them, they could crack this planet open like an egg."

"What?" Tegan said

"They're digging downwards aren't they, Doctor," Nyssa said "Towards the molten core."

"I hope they're not," the Doctor said "The last time that happened we were seconds away from a cataclysm. We have to find the source and stop them."

The Doctor almost ran into the forest. Tegan looked at Nyssa in dismay. The Doctor came back.

"Aren't you coming? Time is wasting."

Tegan and Nyssa scooped up their Sun hats and sun glasses and followed. The other objects would have to wait, including their clothes. They would have to battle the bad guys in their bikinis.

  
  


The Island - A Cell in Hansen's Complex

"Lee?"

Lee Stetson had a blinding headache. Memories flooded back of what happened and it made the headache worse. He entered the back cabin on the launch to see Steele and Laura lying on the floor unconscious.

"Laura!" Amanda shouted.

Amanda had gone to help Laura. She was restrained by the blonde headed man.

"I have to help my cousin," Amanda said, struggling.

Lee could see her being injected and slumping to the floor next to Laura.

"Amanda! What the hell?"

He felt a prick on his arm and suddenly felt woozy. The last thing he saw was that blonde headed bastard smiling at him.

"Mr Stetson!"

That was Laura this time.

"Mr Stetson, old chum," That had to be Remington Steele "Time to wake up."

"I'm not your damned chum, Steele," Stetson snapped.

Steele chuckled.

"It's Lee Stetson all right," He said.

Lee opened his eyes and tried to focus for a minute. He could see Laura and Amanda smiling at him. They were wearing the same dresses, if slightly torn and dirty now. They were also handcuffed in front of them, as was Steele who had lost his jacket and bow tie and looked a state. 

"Are you all right, old man," Steele asked.

"Less of the old man," Stetson said.

He tried to get up and found that he too was handcuffed. Amanda and Laura helped him up.

"Where are we?"

"A cell," Steele said.

"I'd rather guessed that," Stetson said "I mean where have they taken us."

"If had X-ray vision, I would tell you," Steele answered.

"Isn't there a bigger question," Laura said "Who set us up?"

Stetson looked at Steele.

"Completely innocent, pal," Steele said "I wouldn't have let myself be caught like this if I was responsible."

Stetson looked at Steele again and nodded. He was probably right. 

"Who else but us knew?" Amanda asked.

"Billy, Francine and..."

"Christine Lewis," Amanda said "She arranged everything didn't she."

"Damn!" Lee said "I trusted her completely."

"So did I, she was a darling," Steele said.

"But Amanda and Laura didn't."

The voice made them all turn. They saw Christine Lewis with a gun in her hand. She had three men behind her, all with weapons.

  
  


"No we didn't," Amanda said.

"Yet you still fell into the trap," Lewis said "A bit clumsy."

"You bitch!" Amanda said, uncharacteristically.

"Really, Amanda, such language."

"That's mild considering what she and I would really like to call you," Laura said.

Lewis smiled.

"You really are cousins, aren't you," She quipped "I would like to chat about this all day. However, Mr Hansen would like to see you now."

"This is where he tells us about his master plan to dominate the world," Steele said.

Stetson glared at Steele and followed Amanda and Laura, who were being ushered out of the cell and loaded into a buggy. Stetson was placed facing Laura, while Steele was placed in front of Amanda. Stetson took Laura's hands.

"We will get out of this," He said.

"I know," Laura said.

  
  


The Island - Outside the Complex

The Doctor approached the rock-face and felt around.

"What are you looking for?" Tegan asked.

"Something anachronistic," The Doctor said.

Nyssa began feeling the rock-face and then smiled triumphantly.

"Something like this, Doctor."

The Doctor joined Nyssa and knocked on the area where Nyssa pointed to. Tegan joined them and knocked as well.

"Metallic," Tegan said.

"Disguised as rock," The Doctor agreed "Clever."

"Like how the Teriliptuals disguised their hiding place," Tegan said.

"Same cause and effect," The Doctor said.

"Then we're dealing with a malevolent alien," Nyssa said.

"Let's not jump to conclusions until we get all the facts," The Doctor said.

"Doc!" Tegan said urgently.

They could see the door moving. They managed to get into hiding in time just as three people, a man and two women, came out. They had weapons in their hands. The Doctor gestured for Nyssa and Tegan to circle around the back. He came out of hiding and approached the three people.

"Hello, I'm the Doctor, I'm a little lost."

Tegan and Nyssa clobbered the two women with a stone, whilst the Doctor knocked out the man with an excellent right cross.

"I hate violence," The Doctor said "But, needs must."

He helped Tegan and Nyssa drag the two women into the bushes. Then Tegan helped the Doctor drag the man into hiding. They emerged a few minutes later wearing the clothes of the technicians. The door had shut. However, the Doctor pressed a card into a slot. The door opened.

"As easy as pie," The Doctor smiled.

He ushered Nyssa and Tegan into the complex.

  
  


Hansen's Living Quarters

Amanda, Lee, Steele and Laura were pushed into Hansen's quarters. The man himself, a tall distinctive man in his mid forties got to his feet.

"I'm so sorry about the manners of my associates," He said "Please let me fix you a drink."

Lewis moved to the drinks cabinet and started to fix some drinks

"Have a seat, Mrs King, Miss Holt," Hansen said.

Laura and Amanda sat down on a couch. Hansen noticed the handcuffs still on theirs and Stetson's and Steele's wrists.

"Bowes, let's have those off," He said.

Bowes move forward and freed all four prisoners from their bonds. All four rubbed their wrists to get the circulation flowing.

"Why have you brought us here, Hansen?" Stetson asked.

"Oh come on, Mr Steele," Hansen said "I thought you were the movie buff."

"I've already told him," Steele said.

He accepted the drink from Lewis and sat next to Laura.

"This is when you tell us your plans and we threaten to stop you."

Hansen shrugged.

"I was actually hoping you would join me," Hansen said "You see the arms deals that you were investigating are tips of the iceberg. I have a major project under way that will benefit mankind."

"So why haven't you made this public?" Laura asked.

"Because, my dear Miss Holt, it's been tried before," Hansen said "By the British government. A genius by the name of Sorensen came close to accessing the most potent source of energy on this planet - the molten core. He was stopped by UNIT and it's then Scientific advisors, Doctor Elizabeth Shaw and Doctor John Smith. Sorensen died from toxic poisoning and the project was scrapped."

"You haven't answered the question."

"UNIT would almost certainly have stopped us, possibly Doctor John Smith as well if he's still around," Hansen smiled "What Doctor Smith, Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart and all those bureaucrats failed to realise that Sorensen's dream is practical and realistic, we just don't need to rush as he did."

"How far have you got?" Stetson asked.

"Get yourselves clean up and I'll give you a tour of the complex," Hansen said "You can use my private quarters. Miss Lewis can even fix you up some fresh clothes."

"She's rather good at that," Steele said.

Lewis scowled at him. Steele gave her his best smile and Hansen burst into laughter.

"I like you, Mr Steele," He said "I'll give you a couple of hours. Oh, the door will be locked, security reasons only. I wouldn't want you to get shot."

"Thanks for the concern, Hansen," Stetson said.

Hansen laughed again and ushered Bowes out.

"You know our sizes," Steele said to Lewis.

Lewis left the room hurriedly.

"Lee, what was that all about?" Amanda asked.

"I don't know," Stetson said "I did hear something about an experiment that went badly wrong in a research establishment in England about ten years ago. Something about monsters attacking staff. There was never an official explanation about why it was shut down."

"We can discuss that later," Laura said "We need to get cleaned up."

The others nodded their agreement.

  
  
  
  


Hansen's Complex - The Drilling Room

The Doctor, Nyssa and Tegan entered via a side door. At the first sight of what he saw made him sick. It was an exact replica of the project that nearly caused a disaster ten years before.

"What happened, Doctor?" Tegan asked.

"A near disaster," The Doctor said "They were trying to find a new energy source from the molten core of the planet. An accident threw me into another dimension into a world where the project was on the verge of breakthrough. It went wrong. The drilling was accelerated and the planet was destroyed, but, not before creating mutations and much, much suffering. It was horrible. Something that must never be repeated."

Nyssa cringed at the thought.

"What happened then?"

"I came back and managed to stop the drilling before it broke through into the core."

"Are we going to try and stop them here?" Tegan said.

"We have to," The Doctor said "What they are attempting is too dangerous. There is absolutely no margin for error. One mistake and they will destroy this planet."

The Doctor approached a computer and looked at the readings on the screen, smiling at the female controller, a very attractive and shapely blonde, as he did so. He made a note on his note-pad and moved away.

"Well?" Nyssa said.

"Another few hours and they will be through."

Suddenly there was a roar and a loud scream. The Doctor, Nyssa and Tegan turned around to see a mutation approach them. The others in the room started to panic and run. The Doctor ushered Nyssa behind him.

"Tegan, get a fire extinguisher."

Tegan headed for the nearest fire extinguisher and smashed the glass. She pulled it out and gave it to the Doctor. He fired a blast of CO2 at the enraged Technician. Tegan also fired a blast at him and continued to squirt at him until the Technician collapsed.

"What the hell was that?" Tegan said.

"The mutation I was talking about," The Doctor said.

Bowes entered at that moment. He saw the Doctor, Nyssa, Tegan and the unconscious technician. He witnessed the last moments of Tegan and the Doctor attacking the crazed Technician with fire extinguishers before reacting. He pressed a silent alarm underneath the console.

"What's going on here?" Bowes demanded.

The Doctor faced Bowes.

"Are you in charge of this?"

"Who are you?"

The Doctor frowned.

"You've got to stop the drilling now," He said "There's going to be a disaster if you don't."

Security men entered from behind them.

"Doctor," Nyssa said.

The Doctor raised the fire extinguisher and headed for the computer.

"Stop the drilling, now!"

He smashed the computer with the fire extinguisher. The computer caught fire. He heard Nyssa and Tegan scream and turned to face them. He saw them on their knees with guns at their heads. Their arms were being wrenched behind them and they were both in pain. The Doctor soon found himself apprehended.

"I'm trying to help," The Doctor said "You cannot breach the core, there's going to be a disaster if you do."

"Doctor," Tegan screamed "Stop it.

He heard Nyssa scream and sighed. He allowed himself to be handcuffed.

"I'm in the Kingdom of Idiots," He said as he, Tegan and Nyssa were lead away.

They passed Hansen as he entered the room. 

"You've got to stop the drilling," The Doctor told Hansen "You will destroy the planet if you don't. What you're doing wont work."

"Get him out of here," Bowes shouted.

"Take them to my quarters," Hansen said.

Bowes looked at him.

"To my quarters," Hansen repeated.

He looked at the damaged computer.

"Well?"

The man in charge of the room - Professor Alfred Hunter - inspected the damage.

"It wont hold up the schedule," He said.

"Make sure that it doesn't," Hansen said "Bowes stay here and supervise."

"What about the prisoners?" Bowes said 

He pointed to the Technician.

"What about that?"

"I will handle them," Hansen said.

He looked aghast at the Technician.

"Get a stretcher party to deal with that poor man," Hansen said "Find out what happened to him."

Hansen left the room.

  
  


Hansen's Quarters

Amanda and Laura emerged from the other room wearing more causal clothes. They were both wearing white slacks and canvas shoes, Amanda was wearing a black top, Laura a blue top. Lee was in similar clothes. Steele was in all white.

"At least we're wearing something practical," Amanda said "For when we escape."

"If we can," Laura said.

"Confidence," Steele said "There is always a way. It's just a matter of looking for it."

"This is the real world, Steele," Stetson said "Not some movie."

"Lee!" Amanda said in exasperation "That is not helping."

The door opened and three people, two women and a man were thrown in. The man got up and banged on the door.

"Get in touch with UNIT," The man said "Tell them what is going on. You have got to stop the drilling."

"Doctor," The Australian woman said "That is not going to help. They're not listening."

"Idiots!" The Doctor said. "If they crack that core open, we do not have a chance. This planet will be turned into cosmic dust."

"Doctor," the younger smaller woman said.

She was looking at Stetson, Amanda, Laura and Steele.

"Not now, Nyssa," The Doctor said "We have to get out of here. UNIT has got to be told of this. They have to re-fill the drill hole fast."

"Doctor," The Australian woman said.

"Tegan!" The Doctor frowned.

  
  


He looked around and saw Stetson, Amanda, Laura and Steele. 

"Ah!" The Doctor said.

"What is going on here, old sport?" Steele said.

The Doctor looked at Tegan and Nyssa, who shrugged. He held out his hand.

"I'm the Doctor, this is Nyssa and Tegan Jovanka."

"Remington Steele," Steele said, shaking the Doctor's hand "This is my partner Laura Holt, and this is Lee Stetson and Amanda King."

"What do you mean that this planet is going to be turned into cosmic dust?" Amanda asked.

The Doctor nodded and sighed.

"I'm about to breach International Security here," The Doctor said "But, you need to know."

The Doctor began his story about what happened last time this project took place. All of them, including Nyssa and Tegan listened in rapt attention. By the time Hansen entered. They were all convinced they were in great danger.

"Ready for your tour," He said.

"You are including myself and my companions in this," The Doctor asked.

"Considering you have made specific allegations," Hansen said "Yes, Mr ..."

"Doctor John Smith, UNIT's Scientific Adviser."

Hansen looked at the Doctor.

"You are Doctor John Smith?"

"Yes," The Doctor said "And before you ask, I was there when Sorensen nearly blew up the planet. You saw the Technician?"

"Of course," Hansen said "A virus that's going around, our medical team has it under control."

"How I am going to convince you?" The Doctor said "What you saw is a mutation created from the stuff that you are pumping out of the molten core, Sorensen died of the same thing. What you are doing will crack the molten core of this planet like an egg, the result would be a volcano bigger than you are under at the moment."

"Nonsense," Hansen said.

"Think of Hiroshima and multiply it a million times, that is the power you are going to unleash," The Doctor said.

"That bad?" Amanda said.

"That bad," The Doctor said "This idiot will not be able to contain it. There will be explosions, tidal waves, earthquakes. Within hours this planet will disintegrate until the core finally cracks and blows up. Nothing will survive and the ramifications will echo across the universe." 

"This is no longer becoming amusing, Doctor Smith," Hansen said.

The Doctor threw up his hands and was about to turn on Hansen. Both Nyssa and Amanda took the Doctor's hand to calm him down. The Doctor took several deep breaths to calm down.

"This man is the King of the Kingdom of Idiots," The Doctor said.

The Doctor tapped his head vigorously.

"When is it going to register in there?" The Doctor said, on the verge of an explosion "You cannot tamper with nature, nature always has a way of fighting back. Yet you humans persist in trying. When are you going to learn that you can't do it?" 

Nyssa grasped The Doctor's hand tighter. Even Tegan started to look worried. Steele walked in front of Hansen and smiled reassuringly. 

"It sounds like you're in over your head, my dear chap," Steele said.

  
  


"I suggest that you listen, Hansen," Stetson said "The Doctor sounds sure of himself."

"I've seen it," The Doctor said "I was thrown in another dimension. I saw what would happen when you entered the molten core. That poor man out there will be the tip of the iceberg."

Suddenly, to prove the Doctor's point, the Earth shook violently. Hansen picked himself up.

"What the hell?"

"An Earthquake, caused by your drilling," Nyssa said "You've got to stop it. You've got to fill in that hole before it is too late."

"Oh, to hell with it," The Doctor said.

He hit Hansen square on the jaw. Hansen crumbled to the floor. Stetson followed up by removing Hansen gun from his pocket and knocking him out as he tried to rise. He searched Hansen's pocket and found a key. He tossed the key to Steele who went to open the door. Lewis entered, gun at the ready. Laura knocked the gun out of her hand and Amanda knocked her cold with a right cross.

"Nice work, girls," Steele said "Couldn't have happened to a nicer person."

Both Laura and Amanda bowed and then helped Steele and Tegan to drag her in. Steele scooped up the gun and searched her. He handed Laura a knife and Amanda another gun.

The Doctor shook his head on seeing how well armed the woman was. He saw Nyssa and Tegan tie her up and then helped Stetson finish tying up Hansen. Stetson and Nyssa finished off by gagging both their victims.

"Let's get out of here," Stetson said.

"We have to stop the drilling," The Doctor said "We have to evacuate the island."

"Why?" Tegan asked.

"Because they've just made a dormant volcano active," Nyssa answered "Even if we stop the drilling, we will not be able to stop the volcano from going up."

"I could order an air strike," Stetson said.

"I don't think that will work, Lee," Amanda said.

The Doctor nodded his agreement.

"We have to stop it ourselves," The Doctor said "Okay, Mr Stetson, you and Nyssa are with me. Tegan, take Amanda, Laura and Mr Steele and get as many people you can off this island."

"What about our friends here?" Steele said.

The Doctor looked at the bound Hansen and Lewis.

"Leave them here," The Doctor said "I'll ensure that somebody finds them once we are safely aware."

"We can't just leave them," Stetson argued.

"Mr Stetson, I will not kill them," The Doctor said.

Stetson looked at Hansen and then nodded. They headed out of the room and locked the door behind them.

  
  


The Party, Two Floors Up

The party was in full swing when Steele, Amanda, Laura and Tegan emerged from a lift.

"What's wrong with them," Tegan said "Didn't they feel the Earthquake?"

Amanda stopped a woman, who laughed in her face. She then picked up a nearest man and started to dance with them. The same thing happened to Laura. Both Steele and Tegan had to push away people who tried to flirt with them.

"Drugged!" Amanda said "All of them."

"Damn it!" Steele said. 

Tegan made her way to the bandstand and stopped the music.

  
  


"Ladies and Gentlemen," She said "Mr Hansen would like you to board the launch. He has a display that will end all displays that he would like you to witness."

Kathleen Turner grasped Tegan's wrist. She didn't looked drugged.

"Where is Hansen?" She said "Didn't he feel that Earthquake? We have to be evacuating the island, now! Not arranging demonstrations."

"Miss Turner," Tegan said "We are trying to get the people out of here. But, I'd rather not create a panic. So if you could help."

The actress looked at the bemused audience who were waiting for Tegan's next instructions.

"Ladies and Gentleman," Kathleen Turner said "If you would like to follow us, we will make sure that you get the best possible view of this display."

Tegan grasped Miss Turner's hand.

"Thank you," She said.

Kathleen Turner nodded. Remington, Amanda and Laura were soon helping her make sure that the guests filed out of the room in an orderly manner.

  
  


The Drilling Room

"What the hell is going on here?" Bowes said.

He was watching Kathleen Turner, Remington Steele, Tegan, Amanda and Laura usher the guests out. He was about to activate the intercom to get security to the party room when a shot stopped him.

"I really wouldn't do that," Stetson said "Get away from the computer."

Bowes and the Technicians moved away. Nyssa and The Doctor moved in.

"How long do we have, Doctor?"

The Doctor looked at the readout and then at Bowes.

"You've accelerated the drilling?"

"Under Mr Hansen's instructions," Professor Hunter said "It's within safety parameters."

The Doctor shook his head.

"Can you shut it down from here?" He asked.

"No!" Bowes said.

Stetson levelled his weapon at Bowes's head.

"I'm telling the truth," Bowes said "You're going to have to shoot me."

The Doctor looked at Hunter and saw the confused look on his face.

"He's lying," The Doctor said "We don't have time for this, man, this whole planet is on the verge of destruction."

"Doctor, Mr Stetson!" Nyssa screamed

They both turned to see two security mutations stumble in. Bowes attacked Stetson and forced the gun out of his hand.

"Well done," He said.

The mutations continued coming towards him. He fired twice to no effect. As the monsters attacked Bowes, Stetson, The Doctor and Nyssa grabbed fire extinguishers and started spraying them. The mutations turned to face them and crumbled up in a heap due to the force of the poisonous CO2 gas being blasted on them. Professor Hunter felt for Bowes's pulse.

"He's dead!"

"Then we have to act to prevent more deaths," The Doctor said "How do you shut down the drilling from here?"

Hunter raced to the console and started to type.

  
  


Hansen's Quarters

Hansen had managed to free himself and was heading for his office. He could see on the screens Hunter typing furiously with the Doctor, Nyssa and Stetson hovering over him. On the second screen, he could see the launch being boarded by his carefully chosen party goers. They were being ushered on by Tegan, Amanda, Laura and Remington Steele with the help of that actress Kathleen Turner.

"No!" He snarled "You can't do this to me, this was to be my finest moment."

He found a spare key from his desk and moved to his living area. He untied Lewis.

"I'm sorry," She said.

"Never mind that," Hansen said "We have to stop them."

Had he had been watching his screen, he would have seen two horrible sights - mutations attacking his guests and the Volcano on the verge of explosion. However, he was too busy trying to save his own skin to care. Hansen and Lewis left the room in a hurry.

  
  


The Harbour

The mutations appeared out of nowhere and descended on the guests from everywhere. The guests, although drugged, weren't spaced out enough to see hell descending on them. The screams could have been heard on Corfu. People started to force their way onto the launch out of panic.

"Get some fire extinguishers," Tegan shouted.

"Why?" Steele asked.

"Just do it,"

Steele and Kathleen Turner went on board the launch whilst Amanda, Laura and Tegan grabbed available cylinders and started firing blasts at the mutants. It forced them back enough to get some more of the panicking guests on board. To add to the problems, the volcano was starting to blow.

"Oh hell!" Tegan said

She forced another mutant back.

"Tegan!" Laura shouted.

Tegan spun around to see a mutant almost on top of her. She tried to squirt him but he was too close. Suddenly, he forced away from her by two blasts - from Kathleen Turner and Steele.

"What the hell are these things?" Miss Turner asked.

"Mutations from an experiment that's gone to hell," Tegan said.

Staff from the launch joined Kathleen to help force the mutants back. Tegan handed her fire extinguisher to a steward.

"Where are you going?" Amanda called.

"To help the Doctor."

"Then we're coming with you," Laura said.

"You can't," Tegan said "You have to go with them."

"Not without Mr Stetson we don't," Steele said.

He kissed Kathleen and handed her his cylinder.

"Make sure you get them out of here," He said.

"What about you?" Kathleen said.

"Just go," Steele said "I'll be all right."

Steele watched Kathleen and the stewards get aboard the launch forcing more mutants back as they did so. He was glad that Laura was busy with Amanda forcing a way through the attacking mutants to spot what he had just done. He joined Tegan in the gap between the two cousins as they made their way to the entrance. The Cousins continued using their fire extinguishers to force the mutants back until they reached the door. Tegan and Steele slipped in first whilst Amanda and Laura covered them. Then with the last blast, the cousins got in and helped Tegan and Steele shut the door. As they barricaded themselves into the complex, they heard the volcano explode again.

"You should have gone with them," Tegan said.

"You'd never got through without us," Amanda said.

Tegan could hear the hammering on the door and decided that Amanda was right. What was concerning her was that door was about to go. The mutants were too strong.

"We'd better find the Doctor, Nyssa and Mr Stetson and get the hell out of here."

As they did so, the mutants managed to break through the barricade. The walk turned into a sprint.

  
  


The Complex -The Console Room 

The room shook again, as the force of the exploding volcano reached them.

"We're running out of time, Professor," The Doctor said.

"I'm nearly there," Hunter said.

A shot stopped him from completing. He slumped forward, blood pouring from his back. The Doctor, Stetson and Nyssa spun around to see Hansen standing there with a gun in his hand. Stetson reached for a weapon, but, Hansen fired again, just missing his hand.

"You idiot," The Doctor said "You could have just destroyed this planet."

"I don't care," Hansen said "I was willing to share the glory with you, now I'm going to kill you and take it all for myself."

"There will be no Presidential parade for you, Hansen," Stetson said.

"Just misery and death," Nyssa finished.

"I can get you out of here," The Doctor said "Just let me finish what the Professor started."

Hansen shook his head. Both Nyssa and Stetson could see the Professor's hand stretch forward and press a button.

"Countdown aborted!" The computer said.

"No!" Hansen shouted.

Stetson and The Doctor leapt at Hansen and wrestled with him. Nyssa saw Lewis enter ready to help her boss and saw a gun. She dived for it and fired instinctively. Lewis staggered back into the corridor, bleeding from her shoulder. She heard a growl and saw another mutant tear a screaming Lewis apart. By this time Hansen had got himself free minus his weapon. He ran into the corridor.

"No!" Nyssa shouted.

The Doctor, Stetson and Nyssa emerged to see Hansen being attacked by a squad of mutants. After they had ripped him apart they headed for them.

"Run!" The Doctor said.

The three of them started running and ran into Tegan's party. They could see that they were completely surrounded by mutants and the rumbling suggested that the volcano was about to blow its top. The Doctor sighed.

"I think I've finally been beaten," He said.

As the others looked at him, a beam of light engulfed all seven of them. At the same time the volcano finally gave up and exploded with full ferocity. The island was totally obliterated. 

  
  


The Tardis Console Room

All seven of them rematerialised in the Tardis.

"What the hell was that?" Stetson said.

  
  


Stetson, Amanda, Steele and Laura looked around the console room. They were stunned about what they were seeing.

"Better still," Laura said "Where are we?"

"I think you'd better tell them, Doctor."

A man in a black suit and a bowler hat materialised in front of them. Nyssa and Tegan went as white as a ghost the moment they saw him. The Doctor looked angrily at the newcomer.

"Oh no!" The Doctor said "You can't do this to us, Nyssa, Tegan and I have retired."

"Too right," Tegan said.

"We want nothing more to do with the Celestial Intervention Agency," Nyssa said "Period."

"You can never retire, Doctor, Miss Jovanka, Nyssa of Traken," The man said "You can rest once in a while, but all seven of you belong to the Celestial Intervention Agency. We can sent you anywhere we want and as for not having anything to do with us. What do you think you've been doing or the last few hours?"

The Doctor looked at Tegan and Nyssa and frowned. They were on a CIA case.

"Whoa!" Stetson said "What's going on here? Who the hell are you?"

"Your future, Mr Stetson, Mrs King, Mr Steele, Miss Holt," The man said "The four of you, The Doctor, Miss Jovanka and Nyssa are joined at the hip from now onwards, until we say otherwise."

"You can't do that," The Doctor said "I am President elect of the High Council of the Time Lords. I can't allow you to involve Mr Stetson, Mrs King, Miss Holt or Mr Steele in any CIA activity."

"You were President Elect," The suited man said "But, that's a moot point. Everybody who enters this Tardis and becomes involved in a CIA matter is technically a CIA agent, whether they like it or not. That was one of the stipulations for the continuation of your independence, wasn't it not, Doctor."

The Doctor slumped into his chair defeated.

"Wait a minute," Nyssa said "The last problem was not a CIA problem, we stumbled onto it."

The Doctor shook his head.

"No we didn't," The Doctor said "All they did was change their tactics. The CIA sent us."

The Dark Suited Man smiled and nodded.

"Doctor Smith?" Laura said "What is he on about?"

The Doctor looked at his feet. Nyssa and Tegan were too busy looking angrily at the man from the CIA.

"That we've been drafted," Steele said, gesturing to the dark suited man "These people sent us on that operation."

"Tegan, Nyssa and I were sent on this operation," The Doctor said "You four stumbled onto this by accident. You had a chance to leave and you didn't take it. You came back for me."

"We came back for Lee," Amanda said.

She turned on the dark suited man angrily

"You can't draft us like this," Amanda said "I have two sons who need me. Lee, Laura and Remington have lives."

"I'm sorry," The man said "It's too late, the moment you came back to help the Doctor was the moment you chose to part of the team."

"They came back for me, you son of a bitch," Stetson said.

"You would have been given the option to return to your loved ones," The man said "The moment you became surrounded by those mutants was the moment you joined up."

"Wait a minute," The Doctor said "Are you saying that was when they died?"

The man nodded. Tegan closed her eyes, Nyssa held Tegan's hand. It was turning from bad to worse. They now had four more companions to contend with, our more people stuck with a man who was fast becoming the Lost Mariner. They both remembered one of Gabrielle's scroll mentioned Cecrops the lost Mariner. What redeemed him? What freed him from being stuck on that ship for eternity. Xena had found the answer, now they needed to find it, fast! 

"What do you mean?" Steele asked.

"We died there?" Amanda spluttered.

"Officially yes," The Man said "That's why you can't go back, not yet anyway."

The Doctor glared at the man.

"You bastards!" He said "You corrupt, stinking, rotten lump of shits!"

"Doctor!" Nyssa surprised at the Doctor's tone.

The man smiled and disappeared.

"You will pay for this," The Doctor shouted "I will be free."

"Doctor Smith?" Amanda said.

"I think you'd better call me Doctor, Amanda, Lee, Laura, Remington," The Doctor said "I think we're going to be together for some time."

"They can't do this," Laura said "This is abduction."

"They can and they have," Nyssa said quietly.

"Nyssa, Tegan, find our friends rooms will you," The Doctor said.

Stetson, Amanda, Laura and Steele looked at the Doctor's angry face. They saw Nyssa and Tegan smiling sadly at them.

"Come on," Tegan said "Let's find you some rooms and a change of clothing."

Tegan ushered Amanda, Lee, Laura and Steele out of the console room. Nyssa looked at the Doctor start up the Tardis again.

"Can't you just open the door and let them leave?" Nyssa said "The CIA needn't know."

The Doctor activated the viewing screen. All Nyssa could see was a void.

"Then we are trapped," Nyssa said.

"Nice to have friends like that isn't it," The Doctor said.

Nyssa nodded thoughtfully and watched the Doctor adjust certain Tardis controls and shaking his head as he did so. He looked like a lost soul trying to find its other half. She and Tegan had to help. They owed that to him. She had to look at Gabrielle's tale of the Lost Mariner again. Maybe with Amanda's, Laura's, Lee's, and Steele's help, they could figure out what Gabrielle and, by implication, Xena meant by 'love redeemed Cecrops'. It could help The Doctor free himself of this curse that seemed to be hanging around his neck. Her mind made up she left the console room to find Tegan and the others. They had work to do. 

  
  


The End of In The Kingdom Of Idiots

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
